Sussex Golf Captains
Somerset v Sussex
Somerset v Sussex
With another win, Sussex Golf Captains are on a roll (most of them are on drugs. Ed).
With a hop, skip, and a yakkity yak, it was off to Mendip Springs to take on the Somerset cider drinkers. Always good company, Somerset likes to let us win, but will we manage it this year?
Match 1
Richard Jays and Harold Knight v John Perkins and Jackie Richards
John and Jackie were excellent company. There were a lot of sexual innuendos. Harold kept saying things like, ‘it’s not hard enough’, ‘it’s two inches too short’ and ‘my captain, my captain, pump me harder, you stud muffin’ (I don’t like to see innuendo in a match report; every time I see one, I have to whip it out. Kenneth Williams.) There was a lot of laughter, and it was a very enjoyable game. Jackie was very entertaining, and she battered us on the course. Lost 3&4
Match 2
Richard Bevan and Phil Williamson v Colin Davies and Rob Darvell
Colin and Rob were perfect gentlemen and let Phil and I get to four up after 11 holes. Rob gave us a lesson in power hitting: pity he couldn’t get the ball in the hole from six feet. Mr ‘Magic Short game’ Williamson was superb throughout and was the reason we were victorious. Won 3&2
Match 3
Andy Lamb and Ken Penfold v Geoff Rooke and Rob Fear
Somerset fielded two gentlemen. Geoff and Rob. Competitive match with very consistent golf from Andy. His winning streak is now up to two! Ken helped on the odd hole, mainly by carrying Andy’s bag. Eventually, we won on the seventeenth. Won 2&1
Match 4
Keith Hayward and John Luke v Glynn Sewell and Mark Necker
A closely fought match for seven holes, the eighth was the turning point. Mark lost his ball in the woods, whilst Glynn tried a miracle bounce off a bridge onto the green. We won the next four holes, and Keith sealed the match on 14 with a 25ft birdie putt. Won 5&4
Match 5
Ian Potter and Bev Legg v Clive Stillwell and Doug Bolton
Bev and Ian were given a golfing lesson by Somerset Secretary and secret agent, Clive of Poop Hill (A real place in Somerset. Ed). Playing off 4, he never made a mistake and giving us thirty shots was not a problem. Ian admits he let Bev down. Lost 1 Down
Match 6
Des ‘Multiball’ Malcolm and Niall Addison v Roy Parmiter and Mike Robinson
Niall and Des were very generously given thirty-five shots by their 4-handicap opponent. Our opponents were threatened by this (But then, they’d never seen multiball play. Ed). Once they got over the shock, it was too late, and they never got into the game. Won 4&2
Match 7
Mitch Clark and Andy Plowright v Bob Acland and Rich Bartin
After going three down, Andy and I gave each other a bollocking! It worked, and we won the next five holes. The match went to 17, where Mitch came to the party. Great fun. Won 2&1
Match 8
Phil Manser and Mick Grimes v Marcus Woodward and Steve Bowden
Before we started, we were told Somerset always put their strongest pair out last. It was true. Steve and Marcus played very well. Mickey had a solid 36 points, and I helped a bit. So, to lose to their strongest pair was a good result. (I think you need to look up the phrase ‘good result’. Ed). Lost 1 Down
Result Somerset 3 – Sussex 5
Well, would you Adam it? Sussex won both of their tour matches, and in fine style. Although it seems the best way to win is to send out your highest handicappers. It was a lot of fun, and Mendip Springs and the Somerset Captains made us very welcome.
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