Match Report

Kent v Sussex at Wrotham Heath

Mike Stephens steal Nigel's lunch money

Kent…yes they are

Rivalries always start with your closest neighbours. There is no point getting all antsy with people who live miles and miles away when you can pop down the road and have a right old ding-dong with your nearest and dearest. Just think of the English and the French, the English and the Irish, the English and the Scots, the English and the Welsh…well, you get the general idea.

With that in mind, we headed off to the delightful Wrotham Heath to take on one of our oldest enemies, the good burghers of Kent.

As keen students of our matches will know, we’ve lost 6 and won 5. This was a good opportunity to level up the season. So, read on, dear reader, read on.

Match One

Nigel Wates (Captain) and Keith Hayward vs Mike Stephens (Captain) and Steve Dunn (Club Captain). Ok, let’s not pretend otherwise, we got hammered 4&2. Nigel had a big problem with his hands. It wasn’t until the 12th that he felt better and we got back into the match (Keith, what were you doing to support your Captain in his hour of need? Ed) As for me, it was just up the middle, on to the green, miss the putt, miss the putt, miss the putt. The Kents (sic) played excellent golf; we were well beaten in the end.  Lost 4&2

Match Two

Simon Watts and Mitch ‘Doh!’ Clark vs Robert Dicketts and Reg Grace. Bonehead Clark (Not me this time Mitch! Ed) forgot his clubs and shoes. He played with the Pro’s clubs and that is where the similarity ends. Giving 17 shots, Simon and Mitch did not play well.  It was good fun though, we gave the Kents (sic) a good laugh.  Lost 3&2

Match Three

Richard Jays (Vice Captain) and Keith Talbot vs Brad Smith (Vice Captain) and Alan Dickson. In the sweltering heat, this contest caught fire (Nice writing Keith, I see what you did there. Carry on. Ed). Brad and Alan nudged ahead by two but back came the Sussex duo to level up at the turn. On the back nine Alan decided to work his magic before he finished us off…with a magnificent chip on the 16th. Richard will have to up his game to beat Brad in next year’s match.  Lost 3&2.

Match Four

Ian Potter (Trainee) and Phil Williamson (Sensei) vs Peter Morris and Harry Dunk. After an exciting start, when we went one up, the game was closely contested until a poorly Potter started to drive the ball very well. The Kent Secretary, Peter Morris (Bandit), had 11 shots which he used well. Finally, the Kents (sic) beat us on the 17th.  Lost 2&1.

It’s not looking good for the Sussex lads, losing the first four matches is not the start our Captain was looking for. Can we turn it around? Let’s see.

Match Five

Paul Warley and Ivan Parnell vs Brian Gallagher and Jon Mabbs. We enjoyed playing with Jon and Barry in the sweltering heat. The Kents (sic) were two up after nine, we drew 10 and they won 11. This was our cue, Ivan and I fought back to win with the last putt on 18. So, the Golden Martlets beat the prancing Ponies (In much the same way as Harvey’s beats Shepherd Neame. Ed) . Won 1 up.

Match Six

Peter Hawley and Richard Codd vs Adrian Foster and Robert Harris. The Kents (sic) were excellent company. Richard and Peter got off to a good start and were three up at the turn (That’s the way to do it lads. Ed). Adrian and Bob fought back hard and reduced the deficit, before losing on the 17th. Peter’s 15 shots were noted by the Kent players. Won 3&1.

Match Seven

Richard Bevan and Paul Gaylor vs Andy Gee and Mick Streatfield. This was a smashing game, with excellent company. There were some interesting holes, if you were a mountain goat. We went from three up to one down, this was a bit of a culture shock. We held on to win with Paul’s birdie on the last.  Won 1 up

Match Eight

Bryan Fairbrass (Old Bill) and David Kemp vs William Albery (Old Bill) and Geoff Houghton. This was a proper scrap between a couple of old coppers. The average age of the group was 81. Geoff and William were great company to play against, they used their shots well. The Kents (sic) were cruising at 5 up after 10 but once Bryan started wielding his truncheon, we started winning holes and the match finished all square.  Half

Match Nine

David Balfour and Des Malcolm vs Peter Goodall and Nigel Digweed. This was a great match. Played with lots of laughter. Des played like a God (Are you sure? Ed) and he broke their hearts (Oh dear, there, there, never mind. Ed) As always, it was great fun.  Won 1 up.

Match Ten

Mick Grimes and Andy Lamb (Major) vs Richard Lamb (Minor) and Craig Handiman. This year (for those who don’t know, the Lambs engage in a brotherly grudge match. Lamb Minor is a Kent Captain and Lamb Major is lucky enough to stand for Sussex. Ed). This was another hard-fought match against Lamb Minor and Mr Handiman. In the game it took net birdies and birdies to win holes, it was a continuation of last year’s game at Cooden. We went two up early on, and this was clawed back to level by 10. Another run of wins with par, net birdie, birdie put us four up, and a half at 15 sealed the match. We now take a 2-1 lead in the major vs minor series.  Won 4&3 (Like a lamb to the slaughter. Ed)

Result Kent 4.5 – Sussex 5.5

We did, indeed, pull it back. With good weather, good food and great company the victory against the perfidious enemy was icing on the C.

The season is finally balanced at 6 wins, and 6 losses with 3 matches left.